Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I JJust Needed A Place To Put This

First off, this post is not about sex, so I apologize if you tuned in expecting it.  A lot has gone on this week and I needed a place to put it in writing, and since this is the only blog I have...  This seemed like as good a place as any.  So...

I'm sitting in a Starbucks drinking my Treinta unsweetened black iced tea thinking about how truly blessed I am...  And how undeservng I really am of all of it.

This week has been one of the toughest ever for me, and my family.  My brother's fiance'e passed away yesterday and he has been a complete wreck.  Death is a difficult thing for any of us to deal with, and my brother is at an emotional disadvantage to really cope with it all.  He has schizophrenia and is also bipolar.  If I had to make a guess, I'd say he has the emotional capabilities of a 13 year old.  He goes from one minute to being angry, to somber, to wailing at the top of his lungs.  It's heartbreaking to watch him grieve over her passing and I can do absolutely nothing to help him or make it better for him...  Nothing...  Except just be there when he needs me.

I also have to tell you that through his fiance'es illness, I saw a person who has never had any real responsibilities EVER, take the weight of the world on his shoulders and manage to steady it for over 5 weeks.  He managed her hospital care, Hospice services and then, in the end, he was the one who was with her when she passed.

I find myself feeling both pride and heartbreak for my brother at the same time.  I honestly don't know if I could have held it together as well as he has.  The way he has handled all of this has truly been an inspiration to me.

I know rhat my brother will never read this, or that he will probably never know how much he has shown me in the past month.  But I had to tell someone. 

I am blessed, I have my health, my family and friends, and I am able to live my life comfortably.  To top it all off... I have Kat...  Which is just the icing on the cake that is my life!